I lost someone earlier. My cousin. As close to me as a very brother. Our family is one that's very tightly knit......so all my cousins who are kids of my moms bros are like my direct siblings. Anyway - I've never had to deal with loss this close before. The closest was my grandfather about 17 years ago. And at that time, I was young and me and my grandad weren't tight like that....so I cried and after maybe a month I got over it and back to life. He was 89 and sick. My cousin is a healthy 38 year old - if you saw him you'd think he was in his late 20s. I don't think it was his time, I really don't. I'm not sure how to put up with this.
I feel like lately I'm being surrounded by death in some form. This time it hit home. It's like I'm being punished or I dunno....having bad karma? But I swear I don't deserve it. Unless I'm being punished for downloading music, movies or pirated software cuz that's about the worst thing I've ever done.
I know that I must move on, and I know I will - but how do I deal with losing someone as close as a brother?

He was shot...2 times. He was doing payroll and 3 people came in (miraculously, the locked door was unlocked somehow) - he shot 2 but got shot twice...he bled to death. It seems to have been an inside job, so, among sadness and pain I'm feeling uncontrollable rage and a thirst for some kind of vengeance or, I dunno - closure. 2 wrongs don't make 1 right but ... I dunno - I really want to hurt whoever did this; directly, personally....for the first time in the 24 years of my life I want to inflict pain and suffering on another human being. I know it's wrong but I can't help it.

Sorry to be on here with this s*** but I'm really messed up. My best friends and just about anyone who knows me is trying to help - but I guess you guys are all I have in my bedroom at 3:30am while I'm online.

Yes, I have dealt with a very close loss indeed - my Nan. At first you don't know how your going to cope without that person, and you still expect that person to be alive the next day, I know it sounds stupid. But that’s what happens, even now after 1.5yrs I still expect my Nan to suddenly just come out and starting talk to me, I guess I haven't really got over it. I always think of her at least once a day if not more. All I can really say is grieve in your own way, some like to cry, some like to laugh and joke but deep down they know their loss.

Do not be ashamed to talk to anyone about it, after all you are human - so we expect you to cry. I know I did but I only when I saw my Nan’s body, I cried like never before from my heart. After that I never wept for her again, yes I still do miss her. But I've got to learn to accept that she isn't with me anymore.

As with any close death you immediately start to think it's your fault I know I did. I blamed myself for quite a while until I realised that there was nothing I could, believe me if there was I would have done it.

The best you can do is to be around your family, try not to isolate yourself but the only way forward is to start acting like normal again. But remember it is important to grieve do not hide your feelings share them with others.

I wish you & your family all the best for the future, Singh400.

Hey Neo! Im really sorry to hear about your loss!
Its never easy to loose someone who your close to, especially in your circumstance! I lost my nan to Singh a few years back to Alzheimer's disease, i couldnt believe how this disease could take someone so health and spirited as my nan, for anybody who doesnt know Alzheimer's disease basically takes over the brain and decays it, it like eats away at the brain.
It was so horrible! my nan didnt even know who i was! she would just sit there and stare, its just the worst thing i wouldnt wish that upon anybodys family!

Sorry neo!, everyone deals with bereavement in there own way, i also got angry like you, i was thinking why my nan? whats she done to deserve this?!
Hopefully whichever f***ers did this to your cousin will be brought to justice!!

Just keep on goin neo! i know that sounds hard!

I wish you all the best my friend! i hope whoever did this will be caught soon!

Sorry!

MartMoz

I've dealt with some loss in my life.. I'd say the hardest was my dad. I wasn't overly close to him, but he was always there.. always smiling.

I understand how you feel--especially since it happened so suddenly. He was diagnosed with Cancer..they told us there wasn't a cure, they told us 6 months. It ended up being 3 months.

I had never had such a feeling in my life. I felt a lot of rage, and I was extremly sad.

The only thing that really helped me was crying, and crying, and crying. It's so hard, but you have to greive. He passed away April 17th of '03 .. I still have some issues with it today.

I wouldn't say it'll be easy, but you will eventually be okay with it.. I had some weird dreams because of it.

Anyway, good luck man.. if you're religious, pray about it. I did, it certainly helped.

Don't blame anything on yourself.

when it comes to this typa thing i tend to avoid it or deal with it for a few then forget about it and move on.

Neoprimal I'm sorry to hear about this. And yes I know what it's like to loose someone close. I don't know what to say except that the feeling you have expressed are totally normal. But it's not Your Fault! This is not a result of anything you may, or may not, have done. And it's also ok that you're Angry! That you want to share some of the pain you feel with those who are responsible. Just try not to let that pain dominate you. All that does is hurt you and it does nothing to those responsible.

Eventually, and very slowly, you may get past some of this. But I know it's not easy. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better. I'm sorry that there isn't anything more I can say except I know how you feel.